Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Fashion Existentialism

Yo, I liked my outfit today, and it's been a while since you all have seen my self-timer skills, so here you go.
First: the real pictures. The most normal ones I managed to take, anyways.


     I got this dress at a precious consignment store on spring break (it has POCKETS), shirt from Urban Outfitters, and necklace from Forever 21. I like to explore all sides of the spectrum, clearly.
     I've noticed something new (finally-- I was getting bored) in the layering world. Items with sleeves under items without sleeves. Granted, this isn't "new". I remember seeing Ashley Tisdale on The Suite Life do a red tank top over a different-red short sleeved T-shirt, circa 2008, and I tried, like, three times to replicate it, to no avail. 
     Which begs the question: Is anything ever really "new" in the fashion world? I guess everything had to be new at some point, realistically speaking. But seriously. The 90's only took 10 years to come back with their high-waisted and crop-topped glory. But that decade in turn borrowed from the 50's, who also had mom jeans down to a science, as well as the tying-a-knot-on-the-bottom-of-button-down thing. They also had skater skirts out the wazoo, just of the poodle brand. The shift is back, and I'm pretty sure Lily got that idea from Zelda Fitzgerald.
     One could go further. Pretty sure John Wayne had Pharrell's hat. Women stole capris from the pantaloons of the Revolutionary War. Pretty sure Jesus wore Birkenstocks. Where did it all begin?
     Let's go back to the beginning (a very good place to start, so I'm told). In the beginning, God created animal coverings for Adam and Eve. Screwing up human history aside, I bet they looked pretty fierce in their leopard-skin coats. Then they did the whole long robes thing with a rope tied around it. And Birkenstocks, can't forget those. I bet there were kings that slayed in their long purple embroidered robes. Ninjas had that monochrome thing down-pat. The Greeks have credit for the one-shoulder game. They all looked fresh to death in togas. 
     I guess the answer to the "where" question is answered with another question: where didn't fashion begin? Every civilization had their own "thing". And it would appear that the reasons for each of these contributions came out of necessity. Ninjas couldn't be seen. Adam and Eve needed to be covered, and fast. The Greeks has a surplus of bedsheets lying around (I kid, I kid). 
     And that concludes our History of Fashion course. You all get A's. Even though I don't have my teaching license (shh). 
     For extra credit: 5 points on the next test for not laughing at my picture bloopers. Seriously, look at them, they are even better than my real pictures. 

Photobomb level: Squishy, my cat. Yeah, that's her name. No, I hope that isn't prophetic, even though she does hide under my car frequently...
A second too late to pose there, dear.

Not accidental, per say. I was just frazzled. Self timers are hard. 

That's enough of that, now. Everyone have a good week, and I will let you know the next time I put items under items and wear them in public.

Monday, March 31, 2014

Shave Your Legs

As incentive to finally shave your legs, I suggest shopping for some shorts.
And when you see an overpriced pair of cutoffs and that wonderful realization "I could make this at home, easy" comes into your wonderful brain, that is your cue. Go forth and DIY your little heart out.

But please. Heed my warnings. Here are seven lessons I learned firsthand last summer while making a few too many of my own cutoffs. Seriously, too many to justify making any more this year. So I'm going to live vicariously through the rest of you.

So here. Warnings. Heed them.

1.Typically at thrift stores, there are already hella denim shorts that are being overlooked, maybe because of their awkward lengths or maybe because they have those weird loop things that boys at my elementary school had on their jeans. Those neglected shorts are always cheaper than buying actual pants, because ya know, less fabric and stuff. 

2. Bigger is better. In the event that the waist is entirely too big, hike them way up past your belly button and throw a belt around that sucker. Don't believe me?
Trust me, you're going to be seeing this more. I'm calling it right now.


3. Leave room for rolling up. Rolling up is good. Wedgies are not.

4. Cut at an angle, where the part closest to the crotch is longer than the part on the outside of your thigh.

     4b. NOT TOO MUCH OF AN ANGLE.

5. Bleaching stuff is awesome. Sometimes jeans don't know what color they want to be--light or dark. Decide for them: Light. Follow the directions on the bottle of bleach, dry them, repeat if necessary. 

6. Scuffing stuff up is also awesome. Take the edge of something sharp (scissors, a razor blade, whatever, just be careful dearies!) and rub it along the edges of pockets. Also: the edges of your shorts where you cut will fray, do not fret. But if you need them looking frayed like, now, throw them in the dryer. 

7. Adding stuff (lace? Studs? 14-karat diamonds?) is cool times three.

Well, there you have it.
Go forth, my children, and leave a path of denim scraps in your wake.


Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Florals?

     There's nothing like President's Day sales to celebrate the churning machine that is American capitalism.
     But even though I spent a good portion of my afternoon/evening perusing the mall, I only contributed to the growth of our economy by taking home the February Vogue and an elephant shirt.
The majority of my perusing was spent feeling a bit lost and very unprepared. Why, you might ask? Excellent question.
     I am not prepared for spring. My worries are two-fold:
1. My comfort in life is either having multiple pieces of black clothing on my body, or layering until the shape of my body is no longer recognizable. I fear that neither of these can be undertaken come spring. Yes, fear is the correct word. Creativity seems to be compressed into a one-top, one-bottom, pastel-covered nightmare when the weather warms up. And that gives me the heebie-jeebies.
2. I don't know what I'm going to wear, which stems from the bigger problem: I don't know what anyone is going to wear. The stores are all just taking a wild guess until they receive their actual spring shipments when the weather is actually above freezing. Thus, I am left guessing as well. What if I am wrong, come mid-March? What if pink is the new black, black is the new blue, and blue is the new being-naked? I need to know.

     Thanks to the internet, now I know.
And I would like to share my findings.

     "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to talk about a thing called Spring"
--the real version of that Prince song

*Pictures 1-2: Frieda-Kahlo-esque embroidered shirts are back again, and I'm going to accredit this to Rebecca Minkoff's Spring 2014 RTW collection. Remember?

*Pictures 3-4: I think I am the most excited about this prediction. What are they called? Kimono-cardigans? Kimono-blazers? Kimardigans? Whatever they are, they allow the pleasure of layering without the punishment sweating profusely. It's like rehab for an oversized-cardigan-filled winter.

*Picture 5: Midi skirts are the bomb diggity. They are clawing their way up the popularity ladder in the most polite way possible. Because how can you not be polite when wearing a small, dainty tent?

*Picture 6: Short-sleeved button ups. Who knew? Nevertheless, here they are. And as this picture shows, they have the capability of looking nothing short of precious. Button them all the way up to the tippy-tip-top.

*Picture 7: Speaking of tippy-top. This one probably wont surprise you as much, but some majorly-printed button ups are a must. I don't think they are ever going to leave. I hope they never do.

*Pictures 8-9: Cool pants. I bought some harem (?) pants around Christmas, and it took me at least a month to figure out how to wear them without looking like spring had sprung (ew, I actually just said that). I think that now is the perfect time to bust those suckers out. They are just about everywhere you look, too, in one variation or another.


     I hope that this crash-course helped everyone to start to get over the hump that is the winter-spring transition.
     Best of luck shopping, everyone. Just. Please. Take it easy on the florals.






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{{photos from pinterest, mnzstore, feedly.com, lookbook.nu, fabfashionideas, laurenconrad, free people, vanessajackman, closetfreaks}}









Saturday, February 8, 2014

Cozy is Key










     I know, I know. Getting dressed when you can see your breath outside is just plain difficult.
     But I keep having to tell myself: layering was designed for times like these!
     Can't decide between a sweatshirt, a sweater, and a button-up? Wear them all, gosh-darn it. And add the absolute softest scarf you can find. It looks like you have spent an hour perfecting the perfect shape. But really you are just about to freeze your pale booty off.
     Something else to remind yourself: the stores are already filing themselves with bubble-gum pink and cotton-candy-puke blue for that month-long season that is fast-approaching. For all that is good and pure in this world--wear your black. Now. You will miss it's gone. (when it's gone. when it's goooooooone, you're gonna miss it when its gone)

     Happy winter, everyone. Stay warm.

{photos from pinterest.com}

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Hear Me Out


What a convenient time to apologize for my hibernation. You all can just channel all of your frustration onto the Beibs. After all, you can't very well deport me, can you? (...can you? Let's not try, please. I do enjoy America).

Actually. I am not here to apologize for disappearing, because it was on purpose.
I am here to tell you why.

The weather was getting colder, food was getting fattier, angst was getting angst-ier. So, consequently, self esteem was growing thinner. Getting out of bed was difficult, much less putting clothes on my body. This all tied in with thoughts about how stupid I felt posting about which outfits made me really proud of myself. Even though I hadn't posted my own outfits in a while--why did I think my clothes were any more interesting than anyone else's? It all just felt stupid.

That is why I decided to not post.

I am not here to say that I have had a major turn-around in my opinions about posting outfit pictures. I feel less stupid, but I am not promising anything at this point. I am here to express my love for writing and my love for clothes--loves that I will defend until the day I die, because they are both forms of expression, and I am a creature that needs to be heard.

So, here I am, ready to be heard again.

{picture from tumblr}

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Whomp, Here It Is




As of today, the momentous November 14,  shopaholic girls with sad bank accounts and zip codes, too, can feel Parisian for a day. Hop on over to hm.com to feast your eyes and thin out your wallet.

Friday, November 8, 2013

Messy





     Obviously, what you wear reflects your mood. Today, after reaching for my phone in the dark of 5:50 am to read the email stating that I did not, in fact, get a callback for auditions (see previous post), I promptly decided that today would be a burger joint t-shirt and scarf combo day. That being said, 1, I do not wear t shirts every day, 2, I wear t shirts even when I am in the most joyful of moods, and 3, I find it very important for mental well-being to still appear and feel put-together even with said tshirt on. Yesterday I had some nice French stripes and a scarf going on, but I felt much less "put-together" than I do today. It all comes down to how you carry yourself on any given day. It also has to do with the hair and makeup that we pretend is not important but, in all honesty, really is.

     I'd like to take a minute and reflect on a newly discovered truth that has been revelatory in my life: even the girls that say they "just wake up and go" and have beautiful bed-head curls--ha! They actually do try just like the rest of us. Everyone has a hair routine. Everyone. Now, how your hair naturally dries of course has to do with the cut and the thickness and the texture. But everyone has a hair routine. If you don't, get one. I went the longest time believing that since a certain friend of mind claimed that her beautiful waves were just a product of sleeping, that I, too, did not need a hair regiment in order to obtain such hair. Nope. Not true. It doesn't work that way. So children, always remember:

1. Some people just have to try harder than others to get their desired outcome.
2. Everyone tries harder than you would think. Everyone. Just take my word for it.
3. When in doubt , get a better hair cut. Works wonders. Also take my word for it.

     All of that to say, being put-together is important in shaping how you appear to others and, more importantly, how you view yourself. Confindence really is key.